I think for every stretch of life, there's a defining set of music. For me, adolescence was REM, sparked by my father's love of college radio. my early 20s... the indie rock bliss of Belle and Sebastian. circa-25 was the Replacements, rowdy and unapologetic. and now, as I wrap up my 3rd decade, no one speaks to me more than one Ms. Neko Case.
I would trade you my empire for ashes.
Neko has played StL twice in the last 2 years. I have been lucky enough to take in both shows from the balcony of the Pageant (alternating stage left and right) with women I am proud to call some of my closest friends here. And while many of the songs were the same, these were unique experiences in many respects.
Contrasting the two, I'd say that the first show took on a much more melancholy vibe... likely because of our emotional states at the time... but that's another story. And Neko was chill, almost somber compared to the more recent show, playing a mix of old stuff and really highlighting the new songs from the upcoming record that was to be released in spring of 2009. Not sure what substances, illegal or otherwise, were consumed before they took the stage the other week, but Neko et al were downright punchy this time. The running joke of the evening was "metal" and where each song fell amongst the pantheon of metal gods. There was also a brief interlude regarding Cannibal Corpse, complete with random voiceover in British accent by Ms. Case.
Other highlights included the running tally of Neko's hair tucks (gotta love a nervous habit... HOT) and the tornado playing phone-a-friend to share the last song of the set. Of course we all sang along to our favorites, the checklist of what we wanted to hear. For her cover of Harry Nielsen's "Don't forget me" there was swaying... arms around each other... taking in the moment. I'm putting that song on my "Goodbye StL" mix. And there will probably be some tears.
The Neko shows v.1 and v.2 will go down as some of my fonder recent memories... Good friends. Beautiful songs. An amazing voice.
That's SO metal.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
so here's your future
So it's official. I'm moving to Dresden, Germany next June for a post-doc at the Max Planck. This was a really tough decision, as I had three incredible offers to choose from. Turning down Johns Hopkins and Cambridge was not an easy thing to do. However, I am really excited about joining Andy Oates' lab at the MPI and starting to work on zebrafish! The work will be a nice complement to and extension of my graduate training in circadian biology. I will be looking at single cell clocks in a new model system and in development... With the "pull" in place, it's now time to buckle down finish that pesky thesis!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
push it
Those who know me from my teacher days remember that I like to use metaphors to explain "big picture" ideas in science... well, the reverse is also true. Life can be described by science concepts just as easily. If you're around me long enough you realize I have a tendency to geek out on everyday things. Take last week for example: while drinking a koozied PBR chased with nips of Jamie from a monogrammed flask, overlooking the moonlit fountains of Forest Park's Grand Basin from Art Hill, I waxed philosophical about my "beyond karma" view of how I try to live my life. Here goes...
In chemical reactions, rarely does the system transition to completion. In other words, the amounts of reactants and products move back and forth until some kind of equilibrium is reached. But both sides ALWAYS exist. The same could be said for good and bad things in one's life. They co-exist so you have to take them both together. But as with a system at chemical equilibrium, you can drive the reaction in one way or another. Le Chatelier's principle states that given a chemical reaction at equilibrium, you can force the direction of the reaction to one side by altering certain properties. So you raise the temperature. Or you increase the pressure. Or you change the concentration. Given that stress the system is pushed away from equilibrium and to produce more of one side at the expense of the other. In life, I am looking for ways that I can be in the world that drive the reaction to the good side. It's not a passive act, like karma, where we believe that putting good out into the world is enough to get more good to come back our way at some point in the future... There will always be balance of good and bad; you can't wait around thinking that doing good will always be enough to push your life away from the bad stuff that happens. You have to change the bad into good... you have to work against equilibrium in some way.
Make it happen.
In chemical reactions, rarely does the system transition to completion. In other words, the amounts of reactants and products move back and forth until some kind of equilibrium is reached. But both sides ALWAYS exist. The same could be said for good and bad things in one's life. They co-exist so you have to take them both together. But as with a system at chemical equilibrium, you can drive the reaction in one way or another. Le Chatelier's principle states that given a chemical reaction at equilibrium, you can force the direction of the reaction to one side by altering certain properties. So you raise the temperature. Or you increase the pressure. Or you change the concentration. Given that stress the system is pushed away from equilibrium and to produce more of one side at the expense of the other. In life, I am looking for ways that I can be in the world that drive the reaction to the good side. It's not a passive act, like karma, where we believe that putting good out into the world is enough to get more good to come back our way at some point in the future... There will always be balance of good and bad; you can't wait around thinking that doing good will always be enough to push your life away from the bad stuff that happens. You have to change the bad into good... you have to work against equilibrium in some way.
Make it happen.
Monday, September 7, 2009
taking the long way around
It's been two long years now since the top of the world came crashing down...
Hard to believe, huh? I think so. And funny that I have been waiting to write THE post for some time now... I bought this album at Phonoluxe over Labor Day weekend two years ago when I went to visit my family in Nashville with the passenger seat holding a bike instead of a person. How was I to know that these songs would become anthems in a matter of weeks. Ones which truly helped pull me through fall and winter of 2007.
So now what? I'm here, well on the other side, what do I have to show or say for it? I guess I have been planning to post these thoughts as a final catharsis... not really the ultimate f-you (though sometimes I do want desperately to have the opportunity to NOT be the bigger person), but more like a positive reflection on how much I've grown, gotten stronger, rediscovered and become even happier and more comfortable as myself. It's been a surprising and wonderful journey.
Work. The first thing my advisor asked me, as I was crying my eyes out in his office, was "Does this affect you getting your PhD?" Of course I immediately said no, that I really wanted to continue with school and the career I was building. It seemed like a silly question, but in retrospect a very thoughtful and caring one for him to ask me. As it was the start of my 4th year of grad school, I was already working long hours... suddenly the prospects of therapy, dealing with the breaking up of a 6+ year partnership and household, and all the following repercussions of getting one's OWN life back would have to share time with experiments and data analysis. If I didn't really want my PhD, going through all of the bs AND work probably would have been more than I could handle. Now I have a first author publication in a high-impact journal, a thesis defense on the horizon (January? timed to coincide with my 30th birthday...), and post-doc interviews at world-renowned institutions at home and abroad.
Friends. Surrounding myself with people I care about has never been a challenge. I have always made friends easily; I enjoy meeting new people. Occasionally I find someone I truly connect with and being around them is like a drug; it's hard to get enough. I wasn't really worried about losing friends... and was actually unaware how many of our friends were, in all actuality, my friends. This is not to say that there was some easy transition to single life. I took a lot of time for me... and to spend with other people. Being social needed to become a priority again. It's one that always seems to wane in the complacency of coupledom. I had to remember that I enjoy going out. I had to relearn how to roll with wherever an evening takes you... dancing till 3 am at sketchy karaoke bars or watching barges on the Mississippi in the moonlight. I revel now in an even larger network of friends in StL than I have ever had. Friends from all different backgrounds and scenes and places. Friends that I have made as an adult and as someone happy in her life. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Dating. Readers of this blog will know that I have not been a slacker in this department... ahem. But in all seriousness, I've found each person I've encountered, however brief, has helped me learn a bit more about how to BE with people. Dating in college, as I've said before, was a totally different beast. As adults, the rules seem to become a bit more flexible on some things and less so for others. There are forgivenesses and deal-breakers. In my case, I remain the girl who must always be painfully honest and believes in the inherent goodness of everyone. I have, however, come a long way in protecting myself from being walked on. It's a delicate balance of heart-on-sleeve vulnerability, tempered with a bit more knowledge and experience and maybe, god forbid, a little patience. I think this perspective will continue to serve me well... in the now and with whomever may show up down the line.
Life and Self. I love my life. I enjoy the work I do. I am surrounded by amazing, talented, brilliant, beautiful people every day. I still find moments of connection and intimacy that surprise me. I am more cognizant of who I am in the world and what I want than ever before. I have a new appreciation for PEOPLE... beyond gender, beyond labels. It may have taken 2 years to get here, but what a trip! For everyone who has played a part in this journey, small or large, you have my sincerest gratitude.
Thank you.
Hard to believe, huh? I think so. And funny that I have been waiting to write THE post for some time now... I bought this album at Phonoluxe over Labor Day weekend two years ago when I went to visit my family in Nashville with the passenger seat holding a bike instead of a person. How was I to know that these songs would become anthems in a matter of weeks. Ones which truly helped pull me through fall and winter of 2007.
So now what? I'm here, well on the other side, what do I have to show or say for it? I guess I have been planning to post these thoughts as a final catharsis... not really the ultimate f-you (though sometimes I do want desperately to have the opportunity to NOT be the bigger person), but more like a positive reflection on how much I've grown, gotten stronger, rediscovered and become even happier and more comfortable as myself. It's been a surprising and wonderful journey.
Work. The first thing my advisor asked me, as I was crying my eyes out in his office, was "Does this affect you getting your PhD?" Of course I immediately said no, that I really wanted to continue with school and the career I was building. It seemed like a silly question, but in retrospect a very thoughtful and caring one for him to ask me. As it was the start of my 4th year of grad school, I was already working long hours... suddenly the prospects of therapy, dealing with the breaking up of a 6+ year partnership and household, and all the following repercussions of getting one's OWN life back would have to share time with experiments and data analysis. If I didn't really want my PhD, going through all of the bs AND work probably would have been more than I could handle. Now I have a first author publication in a high-impact journal, a thesis defense on the horizon (January? timed to coincide with my 30th birthday...), and post-doc interviews at world-renowned institutions at home and abroad.
Friends. Surrounding myself with people I care about has never been a challenge. I have always made friends easily; I enjoy meeting new people. Occasionally I find someone I truly connect with and being around them is like a drug; it's hard to get enough. I wasn't really worried about losing friends... and was actually unaware how many of our friends were, in all actuality, my friends. This is not to say that there was some easy transition to single life. I took a lot of time for me... and to spend with other people. Being social needed to become a priority again. It's one that always seems to wane in the complacency of coupledom. I had to remember that I enjoy going out. I had to relearn how to roll with wherever an evening takes you... dancing till 3 am at sketchy karaoke bars or watching barges on the Mississippi in the moonlight. I revel now in an even larger network of friends in StL than I have ever had. Friends from all different backgrounds and scenes and places. Friends that I have made as an adult and as someone happy in her life. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Dating. Readers of this blog will know that I have not been a slacker in this department... ahem. But in all seriousness, I've found each person I've encountered, however brief, has helped me learn a bit more about how to BE with people. Dating in college, as I've said before, was a totally different beast. As adults, the rules seem to become a bit more flexible on some things and less so for others. There are forgivenesses and deal-breakers. In my case, I remain the girl who must always be painfully honest and believes in the inherent goodness of everyone. I have, however, come a long way in protecting myself from being walked on. It's a delicate balance of heart-on-sleeve vulnerability, tempered with a bit more knowledge and experience and maybe, god forbid, a little patience. I think this perspective will continue to serve me well... in the now and with whomever may show up down the line.
Life and Self. I love my life. I enjoy the work I do. I am surrounded by amazing, talented, brilliant, beautiful people every day. I still find moments of connection and intimacy that surprise me. I am more cognizant of who I am in the world and what I want than ever before. I have a new appreciation for PEOPLE... beyond gender, beyond labels. It may have taken 2 years to get here, but what a trip! For everyone who has played a part in this journey, small or large, you have my sincerest gratitude.
Thank you.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
I'll write you a letter tomorrow...
Hey,
Something is missing. Can I talk to you about it? Or talk to you about anything, really. I miss our conversations. That's all I ever needed with you. A couple of beers, some laughs and a conversation.
Not that I don't have plenty of people to talk to. Hell, I have a whole internet's worth up in here. Can I say this without it being misread? Can I say this without opening myself up to an onslaught of assumptions?
You are what's missing. There. I said it. And it's that simple. I think we should be part of each others' lives in some way or another. It doesn't have to be complicated. No regrets, just a choice that I would have made differently had I known what was at stake... what there was to lose.
Maybe it's naive of me to think that you would care the same amount about our friendship that I do. Maybe it's masochistic to continue to set myself up to be hurt or disappointed when the former statement turns out not to be the case. Especially when I have so many others in my life who go above and beyond that call. You could say it's a feeling in my gut, that I have always believed you to be better than you sometimes see yourself. Faith in the inherent goodness of people... so I'm still holding out for you.
Sincerely,
ABW
Something is missing. Can I talk to you about it? Or talk to you about anything, really. I miss our conversations. That's all I ever needed with you. A couple of beers, some laughs and a conversation.
Not that I don't have plenty of people to talk to. Hell, I have a whole internet's worth up in here. Can I say this without it being misread? Can I say this without opening myself up to an onslaught of assumptions?
You are what's missing. There. I said it. And it's that simple. I think we should be part of each others' lives in some way or another. It doesn't have to be complicated. No regrets, just a choice that I would have made differently had I known what was at stake... what there was to lose.
Maybe it's naive of me to think that you would care the same amount about our friendship that I do. Maybe it's masochistic to continue to set myself up to be hurt or disappointed when the former statement turns out not to be the case. Especially when I have so many others in my life who go above and beyond that call. You could say it's a feeling in my gut, that I have always believed you to be better than you sometimes see yourself. Faith in the inherent goodness of people... so I'm still holding out for you.
Sincerely,
ABW
Sunday, June 14, 2009
walking with the ghost
During the Democratic primary campaign I blogged about my problems with candidate Obama's "big tent" platform that touted inclusion of individuals who support "praying away the gay" to cure us silly queers of our "lifestyle choices"... As I said before, I take no issue with a person's religious beliefs; however, I think that those who preach discrimination and hate based on sexual orientation have no place in progressive politics. This position cast a lingering specter for me, even after he received the nomination: would President Obama truly support rights of LGBT Americans, a position at odds with others in his "more inclusive" vision of the Democratic caucus?
With the passing of Prop 8 in CA last November it seemed that any gains that the LGBT community felt with the election of Obama were bittersweet.
But we took heart and listened as President-elect Obama continued to press that he would be a fierce advocate for our community and we waited for the administration to make progress on its promises to change misguided policies like DADT and DOMA...
Enter almost Summer 2009. Six states now (or will soon) recognize same-sex marriages (though not CA). And our fierce advocate, the Obama administration? It's moved repeal of DADT to the back-burner and released a legal brief in support of DOMA, silently, and rather Bush-like, early Friday morning.
WHAT the ??!?!?!
Rachel Maddow's take on DADT
And the extensive analysis of the appalling Justice Dept brief that spares no ink in telling us how DOMA doesn't violate LGBT American's rights over at Americablog.
I'm not one to say "told you so" but...
With the passing of Prop 8 in CA last November it seemed that any gains that the LGBT community felt with the election of Obama were bittersweet.
But we took heart and listened as President-elect Obama continued to press that he would be a fierce advocate for our community and we waited for the administration to make progress on its promises to change misguided policies like DADT and DOMA...
Enter almost Summer 2009. Six states now (or will soon) recognize same-sex marriages (though not CA). And our fierce advocate, the Obama administration? It's moved repeal of DADT to the back-burner and released a legal brief in support of DOMA, silently, and rather Bush-like, early Friday morning.
WHAT the ??!?!?!
Rachel Maddow's take on DADT
And the extensive analysis of the appalling Justice Dept brief that spares no ink in telling us how DOMA doesn't violate LGBT American's rights over at Americablog.
I'm not one to say "told you so" but...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Alouette, gentille Alouette
Praise the French Canadians! Last week Jen and I attended the monthly Newstead Tower Pub beer dinner, aptly named the Dinner du Cochon Rose, or Dinner of the Pink Pig. It featured beer from my favorite Quebecois brewery, Unibroue who specialize in Belgian-style ales, and four courses of pure pork deliciousness care of chef Anthony Devoti and the hogs of Benne's Farm. Some tasting notes and a little inspired film clip for your consumption.
Course Un: Pork cake, current jam, micro greens, and a fried egg. Served with Don de Dieu.
We started off with appetizer more akin to breakfast than dinner. The pork cake (oh, you mean like a crab cake and not a pastry cake? I get it now! Jen laughed at me...) was spicy, nicely balanced with the sweet-tart current jam, and made even more decadent by mixing in bites of farm fresh egg yolk. Don de Dieu is a "we mean business" sort of wheat ale, weighing in at 9% ABV. It was hard to believe that this deliciousness could be topped.
Course Deux: Charcuterie of house-made coppa, prosciutto, and pate with warm whole wheat baguette and stone-ground mustard. Served with Maudite.
The second course was killer... I mean, how can you go wrong with a plate of meat? With two types of a pate (Grandma's, a bit more gamey but still good, and Champagne, with nuts and dried fruit) Jen and I quickly realized that we were going to need more bread. The mustard, while a favorite, was found to be unnecessary and sometimes masked the flavor of the pork. I think my combination of pate, mustard, and topped with prosciutto was the ultimate trifecta. Why yes, I do like pork with my pork! Maudite would be my second choice for a stuck-on-a-desert-island-with-only-one Unibroue beer. Which means it's outstanding. Bonus points for it being on draft at Newstead. As a deep red ale, it paired perfectly.
Course Trois: Pulled pork served on brioche toast, roasted pork loin with horseradish mashed potatoes, "franks and beans"- house-made pork sausage with white bean puree. Served with Chambly Noire.
The main course was a "tasting" of pork prepared three different ways... each a bit of a tongue-and-cheek take (pardon the slight pun) on traditional dishes. The pulled pork tasted similar to the pork cake with the addition of a vinegary sauce and the toasted brioche "bun." The pork loin was tender and tasty, though I'm not sure what in the marinade was for it... maybe mustard seed? The horseradish mashed potatoes were incredible. Creamy and not too over-powering. Finally, buttery, sage-y sausage and white bean puree. Simple and delicious. And something I think I will attempt to make at home. I was new to the Chambly Noire, but I do love a good black beer. This one was similar to many Schwartzbiers (a German style) I've had previously. It was toasty and balanced and subtle and lower alcohol. All of which made the main course more about the flavors of the food... which, I think, is as it should be.
Course Quatre: House-smoked bacon with Stilton blue cheese ice cream, drizzled with black truffle honey. Served with La Fin du Monde.
By this point Jen and I were pleasantly stuffed and I was well on my way to being tipsy. (Jen was driving and therefore giving me the extra pours offered to us by one of the lovely Newstead bartenders, Jessica.) How were we going to finish dessert? I was really excited for this course, as La Fin du Monde is in my top-five-all-time-favorite beers. SO TASTY. If anything was going to motivate me, that was! But the dessert itself was amazing and unlike anything I've tasted. Blue cheese ice cream was creamy and sharp and slightly sweet. When combined with the honey with bits of shaved black truffle floating in it, the sweetness intensified but did not hide the tang of the blue cheese. The salty, crunchy bacon was an outstanding topping, adding another layer of flavor and complexity to the experience. All of this with the best beer ever: a body with fruit, hops, yeast, intense carbonation. I was in heaven. As I've said before it's La Fin du Monde (as we know it), and I feel fine...
As a final treat, I'd like to share a clip that we discussed at length over dinner. Praise the French Canadians... and praise their beer!
Course Un: Pork cake, current jam, micro greens, and a fried egg. Served with Don de Dieu.
We started off with appetizer more akin to breakfast than dinner. The pork cake (oh, you mean like a crab cake and not a pastry cake? I get it now! Jen laughed at me...) was spicy, nicely balanced with the sweet-tart current jam, and made even more decadent by mixing in bites of farm fresh egg yolk. Don de Dieu is a "we mean business" sort of wheat ale, weighing in at 9% ABV. It was hard to believe that this deliciousness could be topped.
Course Deux: Charcuterie of house-made coppa, prosciutto, and pate with warm whole wheat baguette and stone-ground mustard. Served with Maudite.
The second course was killer... I mean, how can you go wrong with a plate of meat? With two types of a pate (Grandma's, a bit more gamey but still good, and Champagne, with nuts and dried fruit) Jen and I quickly realized that we were going to need more bread. The mustard, while a favorite, was found to be unnecessary and sometimes masked the flavor of the pork. I think my combination of pate, mustard, and topped with prosciutto was the ultimate trifecta. Why yes, I do like pork with my pork! Maudite would be my second choice for a stuck-on-a-desert-island-with-only-one Unibroue beer. Which means it's outstanding. Bonus points for it being on draft at Newstead. As a deep red ale, it paired perfectly.
Course Trois: Pulled pork served on brioche toast, roasted pork loin with horseradish mashed potatoes, "franks and beans"- house-made pork sausage with white bean puree. Served with Chambly Noire.
The main course was a "tasting" of pork prepared three different ways... each a bit of a tongue-and-cheek take (pardon the slight pun) on traditional dishes. The pulled pork tasted similar to the pork cake with the addition of a vinegary sauce and the toasted brioche "bun." The pork loin was tender and tasty, though I'm not sure what in the marinade was for it... maybe mustard seed? The horseradish mashed potatoes were incredible. Creamy and not too over-powering. Finally, buttery, sage-y sausage and white bean puree. Simple and delicious. And something I think I will attempt to make at home. I was new to the Chambly Noire, but I do love a good black beer. This one was similar to many Schwartzbiers (a German style) I've had previously. It was toasty and balanced and subtle and lower alcohol. All of which made the main course more about the flavors of the food... which, I think, is as it should be.
Course Quatre: House-smoked bacon with Stilton blue cheese ice cream, drizzled with black truffle honey. Served with La Fin du Monde.
By this point Jen and I were pleasantly stuffed and I was well on my way to being tipsy. (Jen was driving and therefore giving me the extra pours offered to us by one of the lovely Newstead bartenders, Jessica.) How were we going to finish dessert? I was really excited for this course, as La Fin du Monde is in my top-five-all-time-favorite beers. SO TASTY. If anything was going to motivate me, that was! But the dessert itself was amazing and unlike anything I've tasted. Blue cheese ice cream was creamy and sharp and slightly sweet. When combined with the honey with bits of shaved black truffle floating in it, the sweetness intensified but did not hide the tang of the blue cheese. The salty, crunchy bacon was an outstanding topping, adding another layer of flavor and complexity to the experience. All of this with the best beer ever: a body with fruit, hops, yeast, intense carbonation. I was in heaven. As I've said before it's La Fin du Monde (as we know it), and I feel fine...
As a final treat, I'd like to share a clip that we discussed at length over dinner. Praise the French Canadians... and praise their beer!
Friday, May 29, 2009
it was 20 years ago today...
Fine, I'll admit it. I've been watching Doogie Howser, MD on Hulu. Mostly just a few episodes from season 1, you know including the one where Doogie takes his gf Wanda's appendix out and has to give her a pelvic exam to diagnosis it. (I obviously was unaware what a pelvic exam was when I was 9 and missed the reference.) Neil Patrick Harris looks like a baby... a baby who has no(?) clue that he will grow up to be an amazingly beautiful gay man. Plus, he's a prime blogging example... well, a pre-Internets example anyway... we all read over his shoulder while he documented his thoughts in a computer journal at the end of every episode.
In addition to reliving some of Steven Bochco's finer television moments, I've been revisiting 1989 in other ways. Well, culturally, anyway. Take Lloyd Dobler. The man who thought kickboxing was the sport of the future and opined the greatest break-up line in history: "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen." Lloyd Dobler is the man. And while I haven't watched Say Anything in ages, I feel like I am in that place right now... on the edge... looking for that dare to be great situation... You're an inspiration, Lloyd.
Finally, and likely the most macabre piece of this flashback, I've Netflix-ed Twin Peaks. While I remember being quite aware of this show (I mean, "who killed Laura Palmer?" is another pop culture phrase of my generation) and of David Lynch (did I ever tell you that I LOVED Dune around this age... yes, I know I'm weird) I didn't watch it. So seeing it now is quite the experience. First of all, I find it hard to comprehend that this was on network television during the Cosby-era?! The complexities of the characters alone... not to mention fetishes and call girls and transvestites. Oh, and lots of coffee and gratuitous shots of donuts. And while I'm not sure how this ties into my story, being neither a prom queen nor an FBI agent... it feels appropriate to be watching this at age 29. Whether it's the mystery or the flux, there's something about Twin Peaks that's drawn me in.
In addition to reliving some of Steven Bochco's finer television moments, I've been revisiting 1989 in other ways. Well, culturally, anyway. Take Lloyd Dobler. The man who thought kickboxing was the sport of the future and opined the greatest break-up line in history: "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen." Lloyd Dobler is the man. And while I haven't watched Say Anything in ages, I feel like I am in that place right now... on the edge... looking for that dare to be great situation... You're an inspiration, Lloyd.
Finally, and likely the most macabre piece of this flashback, I've Netflix-ed Twin Peaks. While I remember being quite aware of this show (I mean, "who killed Laura Palmer?" is another pop culture phrase of my generation) and of David Lynch (did I ever tell you that I LOVED Dune around this age... yes, I know I'm weird) I didn't watch it. So seeing it now is quite the experience. First of all, I find it hard to comprehend that this was on network television during the Cosby-era?! The complexities of the characters alone... not to mention fetishes and call girls and transvestites. Oh, and lots of coffee and gratuitous shots of donuts. And while I'm not sure how this ties into my story, being neither a prom queen nor an FBI agent... it feels appropriate to be watching this at age 29. Whether it's the mystery or the flux, there's something about Twin Peaks that's drawn me in.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
it's a nice day for a...
Two of my dearest StL friends were married today. Here's the toast I gave them:
When you make new friends in your mid-to-late 20s, you often meet people as part of a couple… where two individuals come prepackaged as one unit, like a pair of snack cakes or something. I moved to Saint Louis for graduate school in 2004 and almost immediately starting hanging out with Alissa, who was then a second year in my neuroscience program. Beyond school and science were knitting and riding bikes and the occasional show. I also got to know her boyfriend, Eric, who may not be aware that I vividly remember him from my interview weekend… when he showed up at Llweyln’s in the Central West End to meet Alissa, stuck graciously entertaining us recruits. At the time I thought, wow, what a nice guy.
I am lucky enough to have been friends with both of them for close to 5 years now. Through a move to South City, the purchasing of their house on Cherokee, 2 Masters degrees (and 3 more to follow), many more bike rides, dinners, art openings, music, long conversations about gardening and food, politics and public health. Through the ups and downs that ALL of us have had. Our friendships have supported each other. I am so thankful that they are both in my life and I hope that having me in theirs has brought them as much happiness and comfort.
This moment is to celebrate Alissa and Eric as a couple. But what I think about is how amazing each of them is as a person, as my friend. They are both so unique and talented and fun to be around. Alissa and Eric, the couple, are not like the pre-packaged snack cakes. First of all, I could hardly imagine either of them being full of preservatives. They are too awesomely independent to be lumped together and sealed in plastic, left sitting on convenience store shelves. Rather, I see Alissa and Eric, the couple, as the combination of two comic book heroes paired to battle some massive foe (except without the tights), or a rocknroll supergroup. They each maintain their own identity and power, but together, totally kick even more ass.
To Alissa. To Eric. To you both. All the best as you continue your lives and your life together. Cheers.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
this tornado loves you
My friends may have noticed of late that I have been even more of a whirling dervish of obligations. Plans must be made far in advance if you would like me to attend whatever thing you've got going. What with work, training for my first triathlon, attempts at spring cleaning and gardening at the house, knitting, art openings, yoga, beer, music, weddings, and umpteen other social commitments I sometimes wonder when I sleep let alone find time to write on this blog.
So, first, an apology. To you. I do want to hang out with all of you, really. And then an apology to me. Exponentially growing lists of commitments should not be an excuse for not taking time for myself and my thoughts. While I have been having a blast as per usual, it's nice just to sit and get a few things down. Ironically, this post will consist of upcoming shows that I am psyched to check out... (you can reprimand the RnR girl for her lifestyle but you can't take the RnR lifestyle away from the girl)
Growing list of commitments #123 - Late Spring Music in the StL
So... anyone wanna see a show? :)
So, first, an apology. To you. I do want to hang out with all of you, really. And then an apology to me. Exponentially growing lists of commitments should not be an excuse for not taking time for myself and my thoughts. While I have been having a blast as per usual, it's nice just to sit and get a few things down. Ironically, this post will consist of upcoming shows that I am psyched to check out... (you can reprimand the RnR girl for her lifestyle but you can't take the RnR lifestyle away from the girl)
Growing list of commitments #123 - Late Spring Music in the StL
- Thao and the Get Down Stay Down - May 8th at Off Broadway
This is Thao's second trip into town since her 2008 release of "We brave beestings and all". I caught her first show whilst sipping O'Fallon Wheach in a near-empty Off Broadway last summer. Good stuff. I hope that there are more kids there to dance their hearts out this time. - Midwest Mayhem - May 14th at the City Museum
How can you not love 10 local bands, burlesque, beer, and climbing all over creation at the City Museum? MJS and I braved bruised knees last year to rock out at the Mayhem. Definitely up for a repeat performace. - The Decemberists - May 31st at the Pageant
Lead singer Colin Malloy did creative writing at U of Montana in Missoula. I think that makes me love him even more. Come for the story-telling, stay for the sing-alongs... - Twangfest - June 10th - 13th, featuring...
- Alejandro Escavedo - June 10th at the Pageant
"The Boxing Mirror" was one of my favorite albums of 2006. Hoping to catch this guy live for the first time. - Jenny Lewis - June 14th at the Pageant
Yes, I remember seeing "The Wizard" (aka Nintendo's big screen commercial) in the theater back in 1989. And yes, like Fred Savage, I wanted to get with Jenny Lewis even then. Absolutely CANNOT WAIT for this show. - The Avett Brothers - June 25th at the Pageant
Missed these guys at the Sheldon last May during the massive music weekend (see 5 days, 3 shows, 1200 miles)... Won't be making that mistake again. - Whitaker Music Festival at MOBOT - Wednesdays starting June 3rd
Gotta love walking across the street into the Gardens... carrying a sixer or a bottle of wine and some snacks... and walking home afterward. Friends are definitely encouraged to make this a routine visit with me! - ...
So... anyone wanna see a show? :)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Mono... doh!
As you can probably tell, I'm really excited about President Obama's strategic plan for a high-speed rail system. Woot.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
driving south on 57: an unexpected economic microcosm...
I made a quick jaunt to Nashvegas last Saturday under the pretense of seeking tax advice. Really it was an excuse to see the fam and vacate my RNR lifestyle in the Lou for ~24 hrs. Driving my 11 YO standard transmission with no cruise control, tape deck, or functional windshield wipers may not sound like a joy ride to you, but I love a chance to unplug for a few hours. It's quality contemplation time.
There's one spot on the drive in Illinois, where the highway acts as a divider between worlds: to the east, a minimum security prison. To the west, a junior college. Maybe it was the fact that I was thinking about my W2s. Or the recent spate of worries about what the heck I'm going to do with my house when I defend my thesis come December. But for whatever reason, on this occasion I was really struck by the scene. Are these really the two choices that people face in our society: education or criminalization? They seem to be exquisitely linked. Looking at the demographics of the current unemployment numbers (at the highest levels since 1983! Whee!) one sees that minorities with less education are more affected. Does that leave these individuals more "at risk" for our massively costly criminal justice system? It's likely. But in today's economy, is one that much worse off than the other? What with lawyers being laid off in droves, professional degrees, let alone 2 year-trained semi-truck mechanics, seem to be not worth much weight. So is this the choice of today's working class youth? Community college vs. being locked up... Fans of season 4 of the Wire would recognize that both of these are "systems" in which individuals learn the rules to engage in that particular world. Think Namond Brice.
Given that it's a good year for the GWB's of the world to get into college, we have a ways to go before there is economic parity in education. And if education level dictates economic standing, especially in hard times, there's a good chance that without a massive change in how we teach (or another choice besides the east or west side of I-57) this will continue to be a never-ending cycle.
There's one spot on the drive in Illinois, where the highway acts as a divider between worlds: to the east, a minimum security prison. To the west, a junior college. Maybe it was the fact that I was thinking about my W2s. Or the recent spate of worries about what the heck I'm going to do with my house when I defend my thesis come December. But for whatever reason, on this occasion I was really struck by the scene. Are these really the two choices that people face in our society: education or criminalization? They seem to be exquisitely linked. Looking at the demographics of the current unemployment numbers (at the highest levels since 1983! Whee!) one sees that minorities with less education are more affected. Does that leave these individuals more "at risk" for our massively costly criminal justice system? It's likely. But in today's economy, is one that much worse off than the other? What with lawyers being laid off in droves, professional degrees, let alone 2 year-trained semi-truck mechanics, seem to be not worth much weight. So is this the choice of today's working class youth? Community college vs. being locked up... Fans of season 4 of the Wire would recognize that both of these are "systems" in which individuals learn the rules to engage in that particular world. Think Namond Brice.
Given that it's a good year for the GWB's of the world to get into college, we have a ways to go before there is economic parity in education. And if education level dictates economic standing, especially in hard times, there's a good chance that without a massive change in how we teach (or another choice besides the east or west side of I-57) this will continue to be a never-ending cycle.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
local feasts
Since reading Barbara Kingsolver's book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" last fall, I have become even more fascinated by food. This is not to say that I haven't always been an admirer of food. Especially when the time came that I was the one making everything for myself. The joy of waking up early on a Saturday, reading the Baltimore Sun in bed, and heading over to the Waverly farmer's market with the sounds of Click and Clack emanating from the car radio. Eating the morning's pastries taken from large cardboard boxes that were shielded from the elements with cheesecloth, not quite opaque so to allow passersby a peak at the goods. Drinking half and half (iced tea and lemonade to the uninitiated) while cruising for fruits and veggies. Freshly shelled peas scooped from coolers in spring, heirloom tomatoes of summer, and countless apple varieties were the staple of autumn.
In Kingsolver's account of her family's year of eating only what they can grow, raise, or purchase locally (with a few minor exceptions) she speaks about the especially lean months of late winter, before the early harvests of the new season. And while times may be tight until the final chances of frost have passed in late April (or Dogwood Winter as my grandfather calls it), I have found that as cold warms to spring I enjoy and take pride in my locavore status even more. Last summer I joined my first CSA or community supported agriculture group. Fair Shares is a little bit different than your typical farm share in that it's a "combined" CSA, meaning that I get locally raised meat, cheese, butter, eggs, pasta, breads, grains, salsa, honey, roasted coffee, etc. in addition to produce. It is absolutely fantastic and I can't rave about it enough. So rather than go on and on, I thought I would share some photos and descriptions of meals I've made during these lean times.
Beet Pasta with Sauteed Garlic and Kale in a Walnut Cream Sauce
Beet pasta? What do you do with beet pasta? Luckily I found some kale at Local Harvest. I had cream leftover from making sherbet for my birthday and a bag of chopped MO black walnuts. I sauteed the kale with garlic in some olive oil. Then added the cream and the walnuts and reduced it to a sauce. Over the pasta and done! Ta dah... instant deliciousness.
Goat Cheese and Spinach Lasagna with Mushroom Marinara
Homemade marinara in winter? Really? With the help of some jarred, pealed local tomatoes and local mushrooms, I made a yummy sauce that tasted just like summer. This was poured over layers of Mangia pasta sheets schmeered with fresh goat cheese and spinach. Topped with more local cheese (Heartland Creamery's Legacy, a personal fave) and baked until bubbling. I may not be Italian, but this was a hearty, local lasagna to die for.
In Kingsolver's account of her family's year of eating only what they can grow, raise, or purchase locally (with a few minor exceptions) she speaks about the especially lean months of late winter, before the early harvests of the new season. And while times may be tight until the final chances of frost have passed in late April (or Dogwood Winter as my grandfather calls it), I have found that as cold warms to spring I enjoy and take pride in my locavore status even more. Last summer I joined my first CSA or community supported agriculture group. Fair Shares is a little bit different than your typical farm share in that it's a "combined" CSA, meaning that I get locally raised meat, cheese, butter, eggs, pasta, breads, grains, salsa, honey, roasted coffee, etc. in addition to produce. It is absolutely fantastic and I can't rave about it enough. So rather than go on and on, I thought I would share some photos and descriptions of meals I've made during these lean times.
Beet Pasta with Sauteed Garlic and Kale in a Walnut Cream Sauce
Beet pasta? What do you do with beet pasta? Luckily I found some kale at Local Harvest. I had cream leftover from making sherbet for my birthday and a bag of chopped MO black walnuts. I sauteed the kale with garlic in some olive oil. Then added the cream and the walnuts and reduced it to a sauce. Over the pasta and done! Ta dah... instant deliciousness.
Goat Cheese and Spinach Lasagna with Mushroom Marinara
Homemade marinara in winter? Really? With the help of some jarred, pealed local tomatoes and local mushrooms, I made a yummy sauce that tasted just like summer. This was poured over layers of Mangia pasta sheets schmeered with fresh goat cheese and spinach. Topped with more local cheese (Heartland Creamery's Legacy, a personal fave) and baked until bubbling. I may not be Italian, but this was a hearty, local lasagna to die for.
Friday, January 30, 2009
I'm not in love; I just want to be touched
Dating is a strange beast. I have found that many of my friends who were the quintessential "daters" of our 20s, are now settling down into commitment, marriage. While I, ever the trailblazer, have done that stint and re-entered the pool. Or the market. Or whatever the euphemism you want to use for the swarms of single people on this planet who are all trying to get with each other. Being back in this position again, I have realized that I have absolutely NO CLUE what I want. Which, I guess, is what dating is supposed to be about. Taking the time to figure it out and find what you're looking for (in that Bono-walking-the-streets-rock-video sort of way)...
So how does your typical 29 yo wannabe academic make the dating magic happen? How do I, in the course of a month, have way more social engagements than I could ever possibly handle? Feast or famine, dear blog reader, feast or famine. Suddenly there appears to be something in the water and the calls start rolling in. Unfortunately, this dating deluge seems to make things more complicated, not less. I spend time with people and it's great. But how great is great? And is it the right kind of great? And really, what about that other great? I mean, it was pretty great, too. Guh...
I am trying to stay honest about all this confusion and indecisiveness. With myself. With others. And maybe my heart's still wrapped up in something else... but eventually it will catch up with the rest of me. Hopefully then, as the pieces click into place, I'll sit back and notice that what I've been blindly searching for comes to me. And all the wandering (and making out) will be for a reason. Or something...
So how does your typical 29 yo wannabe academic make the dating magic happen? How do I, in the course of a month, have way more social engagements than I could ever possibly handle? Feast or famine, dear blog reader, feast or famine. Suddenly there appears to be something in the water and the calls start rolling in. Unfortunately, this dating deluge seems to make things more complicated, not less. I spend time with people and it's great. But how great is great? And is it the right kind of great? And really, what about that other great? I mean, it was pretty great, too. Guh...
I am trying to stay honest about all this confusion and indecisiveness. With myself. With others. And maybe my heart's still wrapped up in something else... but eventually it will catch up with the rest of me. Hopefully then, as the pieces click into place, I'll sit back and notice that what I've been blindly searching for comes to me. And all the wandering (and making out) will be for a reason. Or something...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
praise song
What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.
In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.
On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.
Elizabeth Alexander 01.20.09
anything, ANYTHING can be made.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
2009: new edition (addition)
Many of you know about my compendium of owls. Last month I added a permanent one to the collection. Since my time at BM especially, I've found owls have come to represent many important aspects of my life and how I live it. Wisdom and protection; skill and ferocity. At the end of a very important transition in my life, getting this tattoo symbolized that those things remain part of me, no matter what obstacles I face.
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