at this time last year, I had just returned from England. I was soon off to Bryn Mawr for my first college reunion weekend. Then back in StL, refreshed, I started this blog in hopes of continuing to reconnect with my writing, my self, and all the emotions that the journey back to my alma mater had rekindled.
hard to believe everything that has followed from that point.
so now what?
I am a year older (though I feel infinitely wiser and more grounded).
I am a year closer to being a PhD (continuing down that academic path, away from mediocrity, towards something).
I am *almost* a year into being single again (meeting and getting to know new people, realizing how much friendship truly matters).
and still, here I am at the start of another summer... the beginning of a season where I dwell in the smell of sunscreen and citronella. outside till all hours, desperate not to spend every waking moment in the lab. on my bike. on my deck. pulling weeds. having drinks and good conversation. dancing. hiking. looking at stars...
I think about Bryn Mawr. about the preparation and the journey. about that fact that life is always a challenge, is always harder than you want it to be. I think about sitting on Denbigh green one August night as a freshman with hot candle wax dripping down my fingers... "Bread and Roses" echoing back into the night, behind Taylor Hall...
Our lives shall not be sweated from birth until life closes;
Hearts starve as well as bodies; give us bread, but give us roses.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
5 days, 3 shows, and 1200 miles
Attention Dear RO+2 Readers!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled "Lex's Dating Update" (yeah, when your biggest fan *ahem, BDW* starts grimacing, you know you need to start posting about something other than your search for Ms. Goodbar...) to bring you something complete different! Hooray!
In the last week I have thrown my work to the wind (bah! grad school!) and ventured to 3 different cities to rock out at 3 different concerts. So now for your reading pleasure, I bring you a lovely little essay, chock full of "compare and contrast" action! And for those of you keeping score at home, the themes will be: 1. Venue Quality and Atmosphere; 2. Opening Entertainment; and 3. Overall Musical Goodness.
Show #1 - Kate Nash at the Vic Theater in Chi-town.
J, S, and I braved crazy thunderstorms and a massive wreck on I-55 last Friday to make it to the northside of Chicago for obscene amounts of food and to see a lovely young lady from across the pond, Ms. Kate Nash. And while we have all been rocking out to her fantastic album, "Made of Bricks," since the single first hit the states last November, this show left something to be desired. I think we were all a bit disappointed. First, the opening act was just plain bad. I won't link them to my disparaging comments, but I will tell you about how this group took what I think is a totally rockin' concept and failed to execute. Imagine that you go to estate sales and garage sales and flea markets and you buy people's old 35mm slides. and then you write songs about them. and then when you perform the songs, you play the slides on stage. sounds cool, right? yeah... I thought so too. unfortunately, instead of warming up the crowd, we all just wanted to vacate the building by the time they were done. sigh. Then enter the somewhat inept tech crew of the Vic. Here we are in a very cool old theater in the Belmont area of Chicago... you would think that the acoustics would be amazing. Not only did they take 45 f-ing minutes to get set for Kate, but they couldn't even get the sound on the mics right. The entire show sounded muddled with the bass and drums being way too loud and over-powering the vocals. Although I totally adore Kate's record, I wasn't expecting to be blown away by her live performance. But still, having her backed by a 5 piece band (likely some record label exec's idea) was just bad. :( The best songs of the night were the ones with just her on piano or guitar, where you could hear her voice and her witty, catchy lyrics. In the end, the show was good, but not great. Oh well.
Show #2 - Tegan and Sara at the Pageant in StL.
Leave it to some Canadian lesbian twins to bring out the queer community in the Lou. I bought my ticket to this show back in January, knowing that I would eventually be able to find someone else with a ticket to go with me. Actually, I went with 2 other couples (yes, that would make me the spare tire on the Subaru) and easily knew another dozen in the crowd. I've listened to Tegan and Sara since the summer before my junior year at BM when Ms. Nola and I spent days rocking out to "This Business of Art." This was my first time seeing TnS live; and, regardless of earlier warnings about the quality of their stage performances, it was actually a strong show. We skipped the opening act, opting for food and brews at Bottleworks. I heard that the set was pretty decent. I must give the Pageant props for sweet sound (compared to Show #1 it was infinitely better) and not keeping the crowd waiting. Musically, I really enjoyed what they played- mostly songs from their last two albums, "So Jealous" and "the Con"- two cds that have lived in my CD player for weeks at a time. Being sisters and twins at that, T and S had some silly on-stage banter. It definitely made the show more entertaining... as long as it's in limited amounts, of course :) A good time overall, though I felt like I could have had more fun if there was more rocking out and dancing amongst my compatriots. Maybe next time.
Show #3 - Josh Ritter at the Belcourt Theater in Nashvegas.
Now here's where things get interesting. Did I drive to Nashville and back in less that 24 hours in the middle of the week to see a show? Yes, yes I did. I am crazy. But here's the thing... it was Josh Ritter. and Ingrid Michaelson was opening. and those would be the artists who put out 2 of my favorite CDs from 2007. So of course I had to go. Added bonus- $15 tickets and it's at the Belcourt, which is a fantastic place to see a show! Yay! You may say, at this point, that I already have a bias for Show #3. And that may indeed be true. But it was also a fantastic show. First, I heart going to shows by myself. it gives you complete license to be totally into the music and the experience. Also, I got to hang out with my fam and drink beer before hand. Win-win. For an opener, Ingrid was stellar. She was hysterical- running commentary about cankles and heavy-over-the-sweater-petting and gospel preaching and lunch lady arms. And adorable. And the music was great. She even gave me a hug between sets when I told her that I had driven all the way from StL for the show. then The Ritter. and his band. so, so, so, so good. the songs, the tightness of the band, the palpable air of just how much fun they were having. Too many great moments to describe, but a couple of my favorites: Josh asking us to sing "Don't let me come into this year with an empty heart" to the person sitting behind us; the band switching instruments during the bridge of "Right Moves" and then continuing to rock out; the bass player's waxed handlebar mustache; Josh's smile and dragon jacket. What is it about live music in Nashville? Maybe I will never know why, but it just sounds better there. To me it's like water (or crack)- I can't get enough...
UPDATE: Here's the man himself talking about the shows in Nashvegas... including some kick ass pics of my hometown :)
HT to BDW
Alright, signing off here. And I bet if you made it through all that, you are probably ready to read some whiny post about my love life again! Heh heh heh ;)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled "Lex's Dating Update" (yeah, when your biggest fan *ahem, BDW* starts grimacing, you know you need to start posting about something other than your search for Ms. Goodbar...) to bring you something complete different! Hooray!
In the last week I have thrown my work to the wind (bah! grad school!) and ventured to 3 different cities to rock out at 3 different concerts. So now for your reading pleasure, I bring you a lovely little essay, chock full of "compare and contrast" action! And for those of you keeping score at home, the themes will be: 1. Venue Quality and Atmosphere; 2. Opening Entertainment; and 3. Overall Musical Goodness.
Show #1 - Kate Nash at the Vic Theater in Chi-town.
J, S, and I braved crazy thunderstorms and a massive wreck on I-55 last Friday to make it to the northside of Chicago for obscene amounts of food and to see a lovely young lady from across the pond, Ms. Kate Nash. And while we have all been rocking out to her fantastic album, "Made of Bricks," since the single first hit the states last November, this show left something to be desired. I think we were all a bit disappointed. First, the opening act was just plain bad. I won't link them to my disparaging comments, but I will tell you about how this group took what I think is a totally rockin' concept and failed to execute. Imagine that you go to estate sales and garage sales and flea markets and you buy people's old 35mm slides. and then you write songs about them. and then when you perform the songs, you play the slides on stage. sounds cool, right? yeah... I thought so too. unfortunately, instead of warming up the crowd, we all just wanted to vacate the building by the time they were done. sigh. Then enter the somewhat inept tech crew of the Vic. Here we are in a very cool old theater in the Belmont area of Chicago... you would think that the acoustics would be amazing. Not only did they take 45 f-ing minutes to get set for Kate, but they couldn't even get the sound on the mics right. The entire show sounded muddled with the bass and drums being way too loud and over-powering the vocals. Although I totally adore Kate's record, I wasn't expecting to be blown away by her live performance. But still, having her backed by a 5 piece band (likely some record label exec's idea) was just bad. :( The best songs of the night were the ones with just her on piano or guitar, where you could hear her voice and her witty, catchy lyrics. In the end, the show was good, but not great. Oh well.
Show #2 - Tegan and Sara at the Pageant in StL.
Leave it to some Canadian lesbian twins to bring out the queer community in the Lou. I bought my ticket to this show back in January, knowing that I would eventually be able to find someone else with a ticket to go with me. Actually, I went with 2 other couples (yes, that would make me the spare tire on the Subaru) and easily knew another dozen in the crowd. I've listened to Tegan and Sara since the summer before my junior year at BM when Ms. Nola and I spent days rocking out to "This Business of Art." This was my first time seeing TnS live; and, regardless of earlier warnings about the quality of their stage performances, it was actually a strong show. We skipped the opening act, opting for food and brews at Bottleworks. I heard that the set was pretty decent. I must give the Pageant props for sweet sound (compared to Show #1 it was infinitely better) and not keeping the crowd waiting. Musically, I really enjoyed what they played- mostly songs from their last two albums, "So Jealous" and "the Con"- two cds that have lived in my CD player for weeks at a time. Being sisters and twins at that, T and S had some silly on-stage banter. It definitely made the show more entertaining... as long as it's in limited amounts, of course :) A good time overall, though I felt like I could have had more fun if there was more rocking out and dancing amongst my compatriots. Maybe next time.
Show #3 - Josh Ritter at the Belcourt Theater in Nashvegas.
Now here's where things get interesting. Did I drive to Nashville and back in less that 24 hours in the middle of the week to see a show? Yes, yes I did. I am crazy. But here's the thing... it was Josh Ritter. and Ingrid Michaelson was opening. and those would be the artists who put out 2 of my favorite CDs from 2007. So of course I had to go. Added bonus- $15 tickets and it's at the Belcourt, which is a fantastic place to see a show! Yay! You may say, at this point, that I already have a bias for Show #3. And that may indeed be true. But it was also a fantastic show. First, I heart going to shows by myself. it gives you complete license to be totally into the music and the experience. Also, I got to hang out with my fam and drink beer before hand. Win-win. For an opener, Ingrid was stellar. She was hysterical- running commentary about cankles and heavy-over-the-sweater-petting and gospel preaching and lunch lady arms. And adorable. And the music was great. She even gave me a hug between sets when I told her that I had driven all the way from StL for the show. then The Ritter. and his band. so, so, so, so good. the songs, the tightness of the band, the palpable air of just how much fun they were having. Too many great moments to describe, but a couple of my favorites: Josh asking us to sing "Don't let me come into this year with an empty heart" to the person sitting behind us; the band switching instruments during the bridge of "Right Moves" and then continuing to rock out; the bass player's waxed handlebar mustache; Josh's smile and dragon jacket. What is it about live music in Nashville? Maybe I will never know why, but it just sounds better there. To me it's like water (or crack)- I can't get enough...
UPDATE: Here's the man himself talking about the shows in Nashvegas... including some kick ass pics of my hometown :)
HT to BDW
Alright, signing off here. And I bet if you made it through all that, you are probably ready to read some whiny post about my love life again! Heh heh heh ;)
Friday, May 2, 2008
when I'm drunk it's easy, when I'm sober I try not to love you so hard
yesterday I said, in the aftermath of a rather embarrassing freak-out prompted by the canceling of plans, that friendship and attraction do not a relationship make.
Do I believe this? Yeah.
Am I looking for a relationship at the moment? No, not really.
And maybe expecting that people I want to spend time with will equally want to spend that time with me is too much... maybe that is "relationship-y," the idea of companionship. I rather enjoy the company of certain individuals, and I must say that I have reacted selfishly, like a petulant child, when I can't get what I want. even when that is only someone else's time... that is what matters to me right now. I feel like time is the most important thing anyone can give to another person- I value my time and expect others do as well... my feelings get hurt when someone doesn't recognize the gift of time or doesn't believe that I am worthy of hers. yes, things come up, shitty days and what-not. but it shouldn't take much to convey the idea that you and your time are worth something to me (without freaking out), and vice versa.
I don't need anything beyond friendship and attraction... sure physicality and intimacy are key at times. but I am not searching for profound emotional declarations. I'm not looking for three small words. I just want to enjoy what seems like a good thing, however fleeting. why can't I relax and let that be? I hate being so out of practice at this...
Do I believe this? Yeah.
Am I looking for a relationship at the moment? No, not really.
And maybe expecting that people I want to spend time with will equally want to spend that time with me is too much... maybe that is "relationship-y," the idea of companionship. I rather enjoy the company of certain individuals, and I must say that I have reacted selfishly, like a petulant child, when I can't get what I want. even when that is only someone else's time... that is what matters to me right now. I feel like time is the most important thing anyone can give to another person- I value my time and expect others do as well... my feelings get hurt when someone doesn't recognize the gift of time or doesn't believe that I am worthy of hers. yes, things come up, shitty days and what-not. but it shouldn't take much to convey the idea that you and your time are worth something to me (without freaking out), and vice versa.
I don't need anything beyond friendship and attraction... sure physicality and intimacy are key at times. but I am not searching for profound emotional declarations. I'm not looking for three small words. I just want to enjoy what seems like a good thing, however fleeting. why can't I relax and let that be? I hate being so out of practice at this...
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