Monday, August 4, 2008

holding back the years

I got the call that I am closing on the house tomorrow. Going through this process for the second time- except now it's just me. And with the papers signed, it is official: chapter closed, almost a year later. Rushing forward, onwards. Nothing like finality inked in blue.

It's been months since most of the photos and memories were boxed and put away. The few lingering snapshots are unobtrusive, out of direct line-of-sight. With Andrew's help I rearranged furniture over the weekend, making space for a potential roommate. Things feel different, even though I haven't changed my location. Still, I find myself spending some part of every day thinking about how to reclaim things as mine.

Recently a conversation spurred the idea of intensity; in response, I listened to Melissa Ferrick's live album on repeat. I was obsessed with this album in the summer of 2001... in the beginning... And now, hearing the songs again, I realized that I reconnect with the music in a new way. I am far removed from that girl of 21. Or perhaps, I respond similarly; but with altered eyes, reflecting the adventures of the last 7 years. Then today, XPN played three Counting Crows songs from "August and Everything After..." I remember when this album came out- I was 13. I bought it on cassette. I know all the words, to all the songs. And they still, still, resonate for me. Hard to believe I've had 15 years of reacting to this music under an infinite number of contexts.

So while thinking about how some music evolves for us, while thinking about "moving" into my house for the second time, I stumbled across Carrie B's latest post about what else? Moving on and music. She says,
the albums we've come to take for granted can leave fresh marks upon us; they can override nostalgia and sentimentality; they can overtake a moment, permeate and flood. It's good to know, beyond mere mental recognition or a historical acknowledgement, that certain music can and does turn you inside out...
Here I am in a new moment, ready to rediscover and override. Ready for something to make fresh marks on me.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

the incredible disappearing July!

hard to believe that it's already August. my StL summer has passed by like a bullet train barreling towards Autumn. but before the evening smells of lighter fluid and charcoal are replaced with burning leaves and hickory, there is much to report. and much more still to savor...

the end of June passed quickly; even with MJS still being in PDX, a plethora of events were to be had. Romer's birthday party which ended with our intoxicated wrestling re-match. me = dunked into the kiddie pool multiple times. guess that puts the score at 1-1... bring on the final showdown! the StL Pride Parade where I marched with the ACLU group. lots and lots of bike rides, including one ending in a sheared rear derailer (sorry Alissa!) plus discovering the ridiculously amazing cocktails of the Shaved Duck. cocoa nib infused bourbon manhattan with a bourbon soaked cherry- heaven. at the end of June I also made the decision to keep the house and get a new mortgage in my name only. that decision has been one of the first in a long time that has felt like moving forward. not a reaction, but an honest choice as to what's best for me and not prompted by the behavior of others. I must say that it feels really good to be here.

July unfolded with more drinks, more fun, and more things from my summer wish list. 4th of July parties, cheap beer, new neighborhood friends. trips to the Tower Grove market and to the Gardens for Jazz on Wednesday nights. our softball team finishing the regular season at 10 and 3. the longest bike ride of the season: a metric century (65 miles) with MJS in Illinois farmland. new food experiences, like Onesto in SoHa and Tower Tacos as the inaugural venture of the Cherokee Street Eating Club. plus Veruca is now serving milkshakes and paninis from Niche at lunch on Saturdays. shows at Off Broadway, made lovelier by the smokefreeness and O'Fallon Wheech on draft. reading for book club, reading for fun. late nights and wine with the knitters. and of course, work. helping with E's RO1. my experiments. teaching neuroscience to a couple dozen high school teachers from all over the country. showing middle and high school kids the wonders of the human brain.

not bad for the last 6 weeks, huh? hopefully I won't be suck a slacker at posting in August.