Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm not in love; I just want to be touched

Dating is a strange beast. I have found that many of my friends who were the quintessential "daters" of our 20s, are now settling down into commitment, marriage. While I, ever the trailblazer, have done that stint and re-entered the pool. Or the market. Or whatever the euphemism you want to use for the swarms of single people on this planet who are all trying to get with each other. Being back in this position again, I have realized that I have absolutely NO CLUE what I want. Which, I guess, is what dating is supposed to be about. Taking the time to figure it out and find what you're looking for (in that Bono-walking-the-streets-rock-video sort of way)...

So how does your typical 29 yo wannabe academic make the dating magic happen? How do I, in the course of a month, have way more social engagements than I could ever possibly handle? Feast or famine, dear blog reader, feast or famine. Suddenly there appears to be something in the water and the calls start rolling in. Unfortunately, this dating deluge seems to make things more complicated, not less. I spend time with people and it's great. But how great is great? And is it the right kind of great? And really, what about that other great? I mean, it was pretty great, too. Guh...

I am trying to stay honest about all this confusion and indecisiveness. With myself. With others. And maybe my heart's still wrapped up in something else... but eventually it will catch up with the rest of me. Hopefully then, as the pieces click into place, I'll sit back and notice that what I've been blindly searching for comes to me. And all the wandering (and making out) will be for a reason. Or something...

2 comments:

Crystal said...

hey just found your blog. i have one too. anyway, wanted to shout out that i am in the same place as this entry describes. on, on daters.

Katgrrl said...

Agreed. I thought I knew what I wanted, then decided it wasn't what I really wanted, tried wanting something new and finally realized I am just driving myself crazy instead of enjoying myself. And in the end I have a glimmer of what I want.