holidaze

tonight is my last night in Nashvegas. it's been a good visit, but challenging nonetheless. damn the holidays. I haven't decided whether I'm abstaining this year... gifts, decorating, cards and cookies. sigh. seems like the activation energy is almost too large to overcome. maybe it will have to be a two-step reaction. anyone have a good catalyst? but there have been highlights to this trip. it's just hard to say whether they are able to fill the gaping holes in my life that family and tradition have made all too apparent while I've been here.

Wednesday night I saw Feist's fantastic show at the Ryman Auditorium. for you non-denizens of Music City USA, this would be the home of the Opry. a beautiful, historic building with phenomenal acoustics and pews for the audience that reflect the reverence of the space and the sound. Feist rightfully displayed the necessary adoration. the crowd ate it up and I felt honored to see her in that place on the last night of her tour. it was a great way to start my stay here.

Thursday was all about food and family. I spent the day cooking and watching football. butternut squash risotto, green bean casserole, roast turkey... to name a few. yum. we woke up early (yes, Virgina, Santa has to be up at 4 am to get the deals!) to hit the doorbusters on Friday morning. BDW is a HUGE Black Friday shopper. it's his tradition. he gets really into it. and I'm proud to say that I helped him snag a 37 inch LCD HDTV at Target with my mad speed walking skillz. he was making his purchases (the first for the store for the day!) as people from the the line were still entering the store. that takes dedication, my friends!

today has been pretty chill. we went to see I'm Not There at the Belcourt Theater, the last historic neighborhood theater in town.



really an incredible film. the soundtrack is great as well. it includes some unusual Bob Dylan interpretations from the likes of Sonic Youth and Yo La Tengo. I particularly like Cat Power's version of "Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again." Cate Blanchette looks like she walked off the cover of Bringing it all Back Home or maybe Highway 61 Revisited. I was completely transfixed. Cate as Dylan's angry young man... Academy Award winning actresses/drag kings... who knew? I say, go see it. you don't even have to take my word for it: the rock'n'roll gf dug it as well.

empty prayer, empty mouths, combien reaction

two words keep resonating for me at the moment: passion and commitment.

I look at the very short arc of my life so far and can see both. I've been passionate about education in the real world, about research and the academy. I've made commitments to both- as a high school teacher and now a graduate student hoping to return to education one day in a different vein. but making choices and commitments to those ideas were not necessarily born out of being good at them. sure, I'm a smart kid... but being an academic has never come easy to me. I am interested in too many other things to become a slave to one question, one idea. I can be distracted, impatient. most of the time I feel mediocre at best at what I do. this may be a bit of self-berating, but I say it to make a point. I love what I do and that passion doesn't stem from merely being good at it. part of the passion is because it's hard and I have to work for it.

look at the commitments people make in their lives- to career, to family, to themselves. it seems that a lot of the time people make these commitments not because they are passionate about something, but because they are willing to settle for what they're good at, for what's easy and comfortable. and some people can do amazing things easily... but that doesn't mean that they necessarily care about them. maybe this is why there are those who can walk away from moments in their lives again and again. it's not that they have a short attention span when it comes to life, that they are serial monogamists or constantly changing the color of their parachute; instead, it's because they aren't invested enough in what they do, who they're with, etc. it's not that people can't or won't or don't commit, they just do it for the wrong reasons, in the wrong way.

for me, commitment stems from caring so much about something that's hard, something that you are willing to work tirelessly to hold on to. and that's where the passion lies. instead of looking for passion in what comes easy, passion arises when you struggle to make your dreams real. the expectation that happiness will happen when and where you find comfort or connection is too simple. knowing that I have battled and placed myself out there for things and people I believe in is the essence of passion, of commitment. and I am proud to be able to say those things about myself.

carrie brownstein, will you be my gf?

sigh... thank you NPR for giving me something else I can use to procrastinate at work!

ps: no seriously, will you? cause I'm in dire need of a rock'n'roll girl right now.

SfN - a summary

sorry I didn't manage to post during the last two days of the conference. just to fill you in on all the adventures that ensued Monday evening into Tuesday into Wednesday, I'll include some highlights below:

Monday night - Tuesday early AM

1. drank mojitos out of tiki glasses with plastic decorative monkeys at the Wash U social
2. drank g&t's while yelling from the bar the correct way to pronounce S's last name to the president-elect of SfN who was at the podium recognizing her award- ooops
   
3. drank champagne and was tipsy while presenting my 1-slide/1-minute to much applause
4. didn't get into the MIT party b/c of the line around the block
   
5. found the car in the deserted parking lot had been side-swiped
6. was packed and in bed by 2 am

Tuesday

1. up at 6 am to get ready and get to the convention center by 7ish
2. presented poster non-stop from 8 am to noon



3. collapse on floor of convention center
4. eat pizza and ice cream for lunch and do no science for the rest of the day- yay!
5. Herzog Nation dinner at the Prado in Balboa Park- lots of sangria and awesome food
6. re-pack and in bed by 11:30

Wednesday (aka airport hell day)

1. up at 4 am to get ready and take taxi to SD airport
2. board flight at 6 am for Chicago
3. arrive in Chicago to find flight to StL has been canceled- wtf?!
4. get re-booked on flight to cedar rapids, IA (no, I'm not kidding) with connection to StL
5. get on plane to cedar rapids - oil leaking from engine - get off plane (seriously, stop laughing)
   
6. get on new plane to cedar rapids
7. land in one of the smallest airports I have ever been in
8. get to walk outside to board next plane to StL- imagine North by Northwest
   
9. arrive in StL 3+ hours after I should have to find that my luggage is not on the belt
   
10. claim luggage that arrived hours earlier b/c it got on a direct flight
11. arrive home at 7 pm and crash

ah, SfN. thank god you are only once a year. as S says, "I f-ing hate this meeting!"

Day Three - Put my new shoes on!

well, the meeting is finally gearing up for me. yesterday was a good combination of networking and neurons, which ended with a Nova-esque lecture by Sebastian Seung complete with 3D animations and space-age music. add in some afternoon retail therapy (shoes and lip gloss!) and a very chill girls' night out at a lovely seafood place in Old Town, Cafe Pacifica.

today I am running the gamut from slide sessions on circadian rhythms and drug abuse to posters on neuroscience education to a lecture on public advocacy and research by Newt Gingrich. tonight are the socials- Wash U, the celebration for S's Lindsley Prize, the LGBT neuroscientists, the circadian and sleep Datablitz, and the infamous MIT party... unfortunately, I have to present my poster tomorrow morning starting at 8 am. so I will be pacing myself this evening and hitting the hay earlier than I would normally on such an evening of free food and drinks. oh well.

also of note: I am actually presenting at the Datablitz tonight. my 1 minute/1 slide of fame. will let you know how it goes.

NGW - Day Two

I have spent the morning sitting in a side hallway in the SD convention center trying to get some data analysis done to email back to a colleague at Wash U. this was a last minute deal, Thursday afternoon, when E asked me to try and get 3 more variables analyzed for oh, 200+ cells. blergh! I spent about 5 hours on it before I left for SD, another 3 on the plane, and after 2+ more this morning, I am finally done! yay! the thing is, I'm sure that no one is going to give a crap and ask about this particular figure on my poster, let alone the statistics we're using. but whatev. it's done.

there's not too much on tap for today. a few posters, a workshop, and a couple of talks. probably drinks and dinner out. and maybe some Sunday night football.

we had people over to the condo last night and I coordinated some BBQ action. chicken, burgers, light beer. good times. well, except for that whole light beer thing... J and D from B-more came out from their hotel downtown. some of my favorite people in the world. miss them.

it's been hazy/potentially sunny and pretty nice here. the ocean is amazing. right now I'm just trying not to think about other stuff too much and enjoy the science. we'll see how it goes.

ps... this post has nothing to do with wild neuroscientists and is kinda boring. sorry. I should mention that I almost convinced Q to flash downtown SD while driving our convertible PT Cruiser. that's semi-wild, right?

neuroscientists gone WILD! Day One

I have descended upon San Diego. heh heh heh. arriving Friday evening to an already dark SD skyline (blame it on the haze from the fires?) and meeting up with S to consume 23 oz local beers in the hotel bar before heading out to dinner. tasty treats: Stone Brewing Co. Smoked Porter and some sexy, sexy food including crepes stuffed with Mexican cheese topped with home-made caramel and walnuts at Candelas. can I just say that I love per diem. yes, yes.

this morning we walked the 2 blocks to the beach from our condo. J, A, and I braved the chilly Pacific ocean as the sun burned off the morning clouds. off to the convention center soon, where the real fun begins...