Taxi zum Klo

During my junior year of college I took a course entitled Masculinity and Femininity in German Film. As a chemistry major, I didn't often find my way out of the science building, but when I had the opportunity to take a sociology or fem-gen (that would be feminist and gender studies) class, I jumped at the chance. And obviously, I couldn't resist one taught by the illustrious Imke Meyer, purveyor of the best German dyke hair on campus and never without her denim jacket, Levis, and black boots. Ah, Imke... starry-eyed women followed her in droves, I swear- she was the Pied Piper of the German department! (yeah, I just equated queer undergrads with rats... sorry)

So in Imke's class we screened some amazing German films. I was introduced to the earth-shattering Louise Brooks for the first time in Pandora's Box. And by the end of the course, we were watching more modern fair including the film that the title of this post takes it name from, Taxi zum Klo, or Taxi to the Toilet. This film depicted the story of a gay man cruising for sex in the public toilets of West Berlin. I wrote my final paper for the course contrasting scenes of domesticity with scenes of cruising with the thesis that the director, Frank Ripploh, sought to argue that both exist as homosexual lifestyles and that they are not mutually exclusive.

With that back-story in mind, let's talk about Larry Craig. If you've been living under a rock for the last few days, Larry Craig (R-Idaho) has been doing his best Mr. Hand impression on CNN, proclaiming his non-gayness after news aired that he had pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor indecency charge stemming from playing footsie and propositioning an under-cover police officer in a men's room in the Minneapolis Airport. Senator Craig mistakenly thought that if he plead guilty that this little incident would just go away- obviously it hasn't and now he's claiming that he did nothing wrong and it was a big mistake to take a plea. A man who is a US Senator didn't retain counsel and is now whining about some miscarriage of justice. Yeah, I know. Dumb. Oh, and I should mention that Senator Craig has a 0% voting record on gay rights issues, including voting for a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and voting multiple times to exclude sexual orientation from hate crimes legislation. Hypocritical much?

And, what, you may ask, does Larry Craig have to do with an erotic German comedy from the 1980s? Based on his voting record, Senator Craig does not believe that queer individuals deserve the basic rights afforded to all Americans to enjoy life, liberty, and the like. Based on his behavior, Senator Craig uses cruising to engage his closeted feelings in an anonymous way without the necessity of having a real relationship. Larry Craig does not allow himself (or maybe does not believe he deserves) those scenes of domesticity, and therefore, does not believe that the rest of the queer community deserves to have them. Senator Craig, I don't care that you would rather cruise than have a life with someone of the same sex, but don't keep me from having both my sexuality and my rights and humanity.

I am as constant as a northern star...

constant in the darkness, where's that at?

it's been a week of intense flux here. and honestly, flux is not a bad thing. it's too easy to be complacent about who and where you are in your life. sometimes we all need a good challenge. I am more than ready for it. to evolve. how very adult of me, right?

I heard an amazing cover of joni mitchell's "case of you" on the radio yesterday. the band who was performing totally punched up the baseline and it had a driving intensity, such a contrast to mitchell's open tuning acoustics. you could really feel the longing within the lyrics- in a different way than I had ever heard it before. "case" was on a mix tape that my first college girlfriend gave me when I was 19. seems like a lifetime ago. in late adolescence I think we often believe that only our experiences have truly run the gamut of emotion. no one could possibly feel what we feel, have felt. at 19 I was there with joni in the bar, I was feeling what she was feeling. at least that's what I thought at the time.

sitting on my back porch this week, looking at the stars, laura mentioned that she thinks about how old the light from the stars is- it has traveled so far to reach us it's likely that those stars may no longer even exist. talk about being constant... to be present and observed by others long after you yourself have been extinguished. I would want to be a star, an institution in the sky. that way, regardless of when I burned out and faded away, it would take lifetimes before I could truly be gone.

I'd have permanence, even in a state of flux.

back 2 skool

Staples says that it's the most wonderful time of the year. the yellow school buses were out in force this morning; and, thankfully they didn't slow down my ride much. it will be interesting to see how the state take-over will affect the StL City schools this year. after last year's nightly news tele-novella, "As Veronica O'Brien Turns..." I'm curious to see if having the district run by grown-ups will change things. for the sake of the teachers and students, I can at least hope for a bit more consistency. it's difficult to say whether the independent board will have St. Louis' best interests at heart. besides the 7% drop in enrollment, it looks like the first day went off without a hitch.

I've had my own back to school rituals here in the lab... cleaning and re-organizing piles of papers and data from the last 4 months. filing stuff away. buying a new planner insert. switching over to Gmail. registering for a Kayaking class at Forest Park Community College. almost everything except a new lunch box and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils. guess that's what happens when you are a full-time graduate student. there's a lot to look forward to in the coming semester. I have the opportunity to give a couple of scientific talks. I'm presenting data at a national meeting. some fun road trips and other adventures are planned. writing a grant. and hopefully I will start working on getting a couple of manuscripts together for submission.

flight of the conchords

for those of you who don't know Bret and Jermaine, they would be the 4th most popular digi-folk parody duo from New Zealand. both the BBC, and now HBO, have aired shows featuring their trials and tribulations of trying to make it in the music business. it's some damn funny stuff...

the show is kinda like "The Monkees" for the 21st century. well, except that there's only 2 of them. and some of their songs are about sex. well, not that Monkees songs weren't about sex... but these songs are a little less subtle than "Daydream Believer" anyways, if you watch the clips below you'll get the idea :)





so if you liked these and have HBO, you should definitely check them out.

spy like US

I was returning from the float trip last weekend when I heard that Congress had passed the "overhaul" to the FISA law. and unfortunately, our new Democratic senator from MO, Claire McCaskill, voted for the "Protect America Act of 2007"- obviously, I'm not happy about it. here's the email I sent her office...

Dear Senator McCaskill,

I am writing because of your vote to pass the "Protect America Act of 2007" last week. I am disappointed that you have given the Bush Administration further accessibility into the private lives of American citizens by adopting these changes to the FISA law. It is especially startling that these modifications allow our Attorney General, not a court or independent body, to issue warrants for phone calls and email communications without additional scrutiny and limited oversight by Congress. As I'm sure you are aware, the Attorney General is currently under investigation by Congress for his involvement in the politicization of the Justice Department and firing of US Attorneys. The fact that you would vote to give permission for the Attorney General to wiretap American citizens is shocking!

I was thrilled when you won our Senate seat, hoping that you would work for change in Washington. In general, I have been pleased with your stance on most issues. However, your current position on the FISA program is not acceptable to me as a MO resident who values privacy rights for all citizens and the proper oversight for the executive branch when it feels necessary to listen to any American's communications.

Sincerely,
Alexis B. Webb

grumble grumble. I will keep you posted on any response that I receive. the bill has a 6-month sunset date, if this is much of a silver lining. Congress, including several Democratic members, has given the Bush Administration legal cover for its continued warrantless wiring tapping efforts until next February. How is this okay? Polling data shows that most Americans (this is not a partisan issue, friends) think that eavesdropping on citizens is not cool. we can all hope that Congress actually changes the FISA law during this time to allow for more, not less, oversight. but it should happen sooner and not later, if we have any hope of getting the Bush Administration's hands out of the privacy rights cookie jar.

for more info on all things FISA and other goodness, check out Glenn Greenwald's blog over at Salon. if I was to ever fall for the cartoon version of someone, it would have to be Glenn Greenwald- man, I dig his cartoon-self!

also, this animation featuring "Snuggly the Security Bear" is quite informative.

nightswimming or report from west bumblefuck

Male fireflies flashing in unison along the riverbanks in Malaysia
hard to believe that we are already careening wildly through August. the summer is slipping away and what with the record heat here in StL, I'm not too sad to see it go. at least, not at the moment. this weekend was one where you have a chance to sit around and reflect on the end of summer and what it means. maybe it was the fact that we got out of the city- staying at Laura's waaay out in west county on Friday night. hiking though Castlewood state park and staring out at the Meramec from the bluffs above, thin and narrow, withdrawn from the banks. swimming late into the evening under a sky with stars, laughing at ourselves in the water. walking home with wet towels and empty beer bottles, the smell of chlorine lingering like a film. these moments get added to endings of summers past.

at the end of my 15th summer, I saw REM in concert at the Starwood amphitheater in Nashville during a thunderstorm... which I would deem, as with many events both momentous and minuscule, a defining moment of my adolescence. we had paid the extra money to have seats under the awning, but we were so close to the back, we got wet anyways. Michael Stipe dedicated this song to all the beautiful people singing and dancing in the grass. my newly purchased rock n roll t-shirt smelled of rain and beer. this song will always elicit a reaction in me... part desire, part fear. feelings that echo the departure of summer, as we inch slowly towards it.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse
Still, it's so much clearer
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge
The moon is low tonight

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
I'm not sure all these people understand
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and water
They cannot see me naked
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday

Nightswimming, remembering that night
September's coming soon
I'm pining for the moon
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming

You, I thought I knew you
You, I cannot judge
You, I thought you knew me,
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath
Nightswimming

The photograph reflects,
Every streetlight a reminder
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night

(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)

Endeavor and Barbara Morgan

The Challenger Space Shuttle exploded on my 6th birthday. I have vivid memories of watching the television at my grandparents after kindergarten (it was a half-day) during the launch and the explosion that immediately followed.

Next year, for my 1st grade space unit, my Dad and I built a space-rover and painted it red and blue with a plastic hatch made from some toy packaging. we named it the USS McAullife after the teacher who died in the Challenger accident, Christa McAullife.

Today the teacher who served as Ms. McAullife's backup, Barbara Morgan, will board the Shuttle Endeavor for its first launch in 5 years. I applaud her for carrying on the dream that ended so abruptly on January 28, 1986. As a child who grew up observing the space program operating in the shadow of that tragedy, I am happy to see a teacher will again have this opportunity. Have a safe journey, Barbara. We will see you touch the future.

your daily gay

yes, ladies and gentleman, it's time to update you on some of the news from out here in queer-ville that's got me a bit hot under the collar. and, no, not in a good way...

first we have this bit out of VA, the state that brought you the anti-partnership laws that prevents two people of the same sex entering into any sort of legal contract together, where in a out-of-court settlement the Arlington school district will now allow Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX) to distribute "conversion" materials to students at schools. Really, this is what we need to tell queer high school kids- that they are simply feeling "unwanted same-sex attractions" and that all they need to do is embrace their "innate heterosexual potential." like they don't already have enough to deal with, queer students will now get to take home lovely brochures featuring diverse and now ex-gay kids! the ex-gay movement has been debunked by the American Psychological Association, who rightly argues that no sound scientific evidence suggests sexual orientation can be changed. this doesn't keep ex-gay groups like Exodus from peddling their lies to the population of StL. luckily we have some pretty righteous folks here that think Exodus and the like are BS. riding my bike past this billboard every day made me proud to know that we are standing up against this kind of "love the sinner, hate the sin- we just want to help you gays" crap.

my other report is equally stomach churning: wacko-nutjob Rev. Fred Phelps will be protesting at the funerals of those killed in the I-35W bridge collapse in Minneapolis. it's not like there's a lack of funerals for Iraq war vets for Phelps to crash, it's just that the bridge collapse was obviously caused because MN is way too accepting of us queers. and, as we all know, God hates the Gay. and therefore, according to Phelps, God hates Minnesota. I hope all you MN residents out there are aware of this. let the counter protesting begin!

it's like herding cats...

one of my all time favorite Super Bowl commercials was for a digital technology management company called EDS. it features a group of cow-, er, catboys, telling stories about their lives on the range. it's classic.

now imagine trying to organize a group of ~12 neuroscientists for a camping and floating trip on the Upper Meramec. a bit of back-story here: simply having my lab arrive on time to journal clubs and seminars is a bit of a headache. however, we're usually first in line if food is involved. we are notorious for showing up early for the monthly birthday cake provided by the Biology department, grabbing our multiple pieces and heading back to the lab before anyone else arrives. ah, the irony of studying circadian timing and yet never being punctual!

Sunday and Monday we all got together outside of Steelville, MO to camp, paddle, and of course, eat. Michele and I arrived late Sunday afternoon to find a veritable tent city, which we gladly added ourselves to. Everyone else was off swimming at the river, so we tossed around a football and helped ourselves to beers in the cooler. Now, I must mention that I have a bad habit of always being "the Organizer." This trip, for example, was not my responsibility and yet I was the one who ended up deciding where to float and making the reservations. At least I didn't get stuck with planning the food, though we did end up shopping with my Costco card. So, not being in charge of the food, I made M keep me from trying to butt in. This is an unfortunate mutual condition of Organizing- if you let someone else do it, you sit around thinking about how you could do it better.

Dinner was pretty late on Sunday, M was getting close to gnawing on the small children and she doesn't eat meat. It was quite tasty though. Thank goodness we brought a couple of propane stoves. And we had a ton of leftovers. Pounds and pounds of chicken, brisket, etc. The little Organizer voice kept telling me that I could have planned it better... but sometimes it's better to relax a little bit, which is something that I can always work on.

in the end, everything worked out beautifully. we had a fantastic float. I got to paddle Laura's kayak that my boss was kind enough to strap to his station wagon and drive down for me. we finished 9 miles of river in about 4 hours with 3 stops and were able to get the visiting post-doc candidate back to StL in time for her flight. having all of the lab together is a good time. you just have to remember that it's like herding cats... and to be able to enjoy it, you have to sit back, smile, and just let it be.