I'm not in love; I just want to be touched

Dating is a strange beast. I have found that many of my friends who were the quintessential "daters" of our 20s, are now settling down into commitment, marriage. While I, ever the trailblazer, have done that stint and re-entered the pool. Or the market. Or whatever the euphemism you want to use for the swarms of single people on this planet who are all trying to get with each other. Being back in this position again, I have realized that I have absolutely NO CLUE what I want. Which, I guess, is what dating is supposed to be about. Taking the time to figure it out and find what you're looking for (in that Bono-walking-the-streets-rock-video sort of way)...

So how does your typical 29 yo wannabe academic make the dating magic happen? How do I, in the course of a month, have way more social engagements than I could ever possibly handle? Feast or famine, dear blog reader, feast or famine. Suddenly there appears to be something in the water and the calls start rolling in. Unfortunately, this dating deluge seems to make things more complicated, not less. I spend time with people and it's great. But how great is great? And is it the right kind of great? And really, what about that other great? I mean, it was pretty great, too. Guh...

I am trying to stay honest about all this confusion and indecisiveness. With myself. With others. And maybe my heart's still wrapped up in something else... but eventually it will catch up with the rest of me. Hopefully then, as the pieces click into place, I'll sit back and notice that what I've been blindly searching for comes to me. And all the wandering (and making out) will be for a reason. Or something...

praise song

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

Elizabeth Alexander 01.20.09

anything, ANYTHING can be made.

2009: new edition (addition)

Many of you know about my compendium of owls. Last month I added a permanent one to the collection. Since my time at BM especially, I've found owls have come to represent many important aspects of my life and how I live it. Wisdom and protection; skill and ferocity. At the end of a very important transition in my life, getting this tattoo symbolized that those things remain part of me, no matter what obstacles I face.