nothing comforts me the same
as my brave friend who says,
"I don't care if forever never comes..."
In a recent conversation with Cpt. Cast-On, we came to the conclusion that the term "young adult" should not refer to the Miley-Cyrus-loving--tween generation. Instead, WE are the young adults, trudging through this vast wasteland between 25 and 35; we are stuck in the holding pad of the overly educated. When returning to our 10 year high school reunions, we are the unwed, non-employed, perpetual-students with nothing to show for ourselves, save the wear-and-tear of academia and drinking.
I am far enough removed from post-adolescence, from college days and the whirlwind of early twentysomethingness, to feel like my life should have started by now. and I suppose, in many ways, it has. I've gone through a major relationship and the ending of it. I am a homeowner. I've had a stint at a real job. I have seen death and birth in my family. Everyone is getting older. Yet somehow, I often wonder if I am simply here standing still as time passes me by. If I am holding out for something. And what that could be... a person, a career, or just a switch within myself that equates with progress.
This is not to say that I am unhappy with where I am right now at 28, the choices that I have made. But sometimes the perceived easiness of other paths is alluring... and if that is what you want, how do you get there? How do you find the missing pieces that suddenly thrust you onto a new and uncharted direction? I wonder if it's that teenage feeling I'm after... I'm not even sure if I would recognize it in the first place. Maybe that's where Miley Cyrus comes in.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
a summer wish list
With Solstice on the horizon, and the inevitable sounds of a pagan drum circle on my block this weekend, I thought I would take a couple of minutes to jot down things that I am looking forward to in the season before September.
- A submitted (and then accepted) manuscript - current title: "Lack of coupling reveals flexible circadian phenotypes in individual neurons of the suprachiasmatic nucleus"
- Wednesday night Jazz in the Gardens
- Training rides in prep for the MS 150
- Softball and cheap beer
- Being outside with the smell of sunscreen and bug spray and chlorine
- Float trips
- Road trips
- Selling the house
- Teaching and mentoring
- Late nights on my deck with good conversation under the stars
- Any and all live music
- Cocktail hour
- Having a good laugh... with someone or simply at myself
- Making ice cream
- Saturday morning walks to the Tower Grove Farmer's Market
- Bottleworks
- Friendship and maybe a little affection
- Books
- Yoga
- Leisurely dinners with a glass of wine (or two)
- Walking barefoot
Monday, June 2, 2008
we brave bee-stings and all
another month. another week. another Monday. Let's talk about my day, shall we?
2 June 2008.
Up early in the morning to shower and stumble through the usual juice+toaster waffle breakfast. Drove to campus b/c of evening commitments requiring transportation. Today with be the first in 5 days that I haven't been on my bike. Sole person in lab pre-8. The AC is still not working properly in our building. :( makes all those temperature sensitive experiments we do quite happy, grumble grumble. Get to work. Plus email. Plus Facebook. Eventually 9 am rolls around; critical mass is slowly achieved in the office.
10 am talk on plant clocks by a guy who postdoc'd with a prof in the UK (who was buds with E at UVA back in the day) that I would be interested in working with come that whole Lex-is-Dr-Webb thing. Talk was pretty good. The free coffee/bagels/donuts makes the students happy. Back to lab and work. Then head to lunch with this plant clock guy. Totally awkward. Me and two other grad students, one of whom he didn't make eye contact with much at all. While I warrant excessive amounts... yikes! Topics ranged from the taxation of married women in Germany to how Obama is uber-left to portion sizes in the great US of A. At one point, the non-sequitur was "God Bless America." Seriously. Flee from lunch to attend lab meeting. Yes, you read that right, lab meeting... where I spend 50% of the time listening attentively and 50% of the time wanting to eat my own brains out with a dull spoon. It was that bad.
3 pm and I'm back in the lab for one last push of work and email and meetings and coordinating all those little things that I take care of in my over-committed-grad-student, who-would-one-day-like-to-finish life. For example, planning the summer Neuroscience course for teachers working towards a Masters in Biology here at Wash U. E and I have designed the syllabus, including lectures, labs and activities. We'll be presenting all the material at the end of July. I'm excited and the $1500 for being the TA isn't bad either. I think I would go crazy if I didn't have all these other things I cared about other than my thesis. :)
5 pm puts me headed towards North StL. As I drive down Delmar to Vandeventer and turn onto MLK, urban blight abounds. I'm going to another meeting, this one with individuals passionate about education and social justice in the City. The average age of the men and women around the board room table is less than 35. I am volunteering my time along with everyone else to help develop a charter school that will target highly mobile (i.e. homeless) youth in StL, set to open in 2009. Our application is due in August. The dedication and drive of everyone invovled astounds me.
By 8 I am eating my dinner of caramelized onions and sausages with a green salad. Paired with Paulner's DoppelBock, I am a happy kid. Not bad for a Monday. Not bad.
2 June 2008.
Up early in the morning to shower and stumble through the usual juice+toaster waffle breakfast. Drove to campus b/c of evening commitments requiring transportation. Today with be the first in 5 days that I haven't been on my bike. Sole person in lab pre-8. The AC is still not working properly in our building. :( makes all those temperature sensitive experiments we do quite happy, grumble grumble. Get to work. Plus email. Plus Facebook. Eventually 9 am rolls around; critical mass is slowly achieved in the office.
10 am talk on plant clocks by a guy who postdoc'd with a prof in the UK (who was buds with E at UVA back in the day) that I would be interested in working with come that whole Lex-is-Dr-Webb thing. Talk was pretty good. The free coffee/bagels/donuts makes the students happy. Back to lab and work. Then head to lunch with this plant clock guy. Totally awkward. Me and two other grad students, one of whom he didn't make eye contact with much at all. While I warrant excessive amounts... yikes! Topics ranged from the taxation of married women in Germany to how Obama is uber-left to portion sizes in the great US of A. At one point, the non-sequitur was "God Bless America." Seriously. Flee from lunch to attend lab meeting. Yes, you read that right, lab meeting... where I spend 50% of the time listening attentively and 50% of the time wanting to eat my own brains out with a dull spoon. It was that bad.
3 pm and I'm back in the lab for one last push of work and email and meetings and coordinating all those little things that I take care of in my over-committed-grad-student, who-would-one-day-like-to-finish life. For example, planning the summer Neuroscience course for teachers working towards a Masters in Biology here at Wash U. E and I have designed the syllabus, including lectures, labs and activities. We'll be presenting all the material at the end of July. I'm excited and the $1500 for being the TA isn't bad either. I think I would go crazy if I didn't have all these other things I cared about other than my thesis. :)
5 pm puts me headed towards North StL. As I drive down Delmar to Vandeventer and turn onto MLK, urban blight abounds. I'm going to another meeting, this one with individuals passionate about education and social justice in the City. The average age of the men and women around the board room table is less than 35. I am volunteering my time along with everyone else to help develop a charter school that will target highly mobile (i.e. homeless) youth in StL, set to open in 2009. Our application is due in August. The dedication and drive of everyone invovled astounds me.
By 8 I am eating my dinner of caramelized onions and sausages with a green salad. Paired with Paulner's DoppelBock, I am a happy kid. Not bad for a Monday. Not bad.
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